Mind over Mayo Jar: Living in the Digital Age

So let me just preface this by saying I've already bought my ticket for the Shame Train. With that out of the way, we begin...

Some of you know me on a more personal level. More of you don't. For those that don't, let me tell you a bit about myself as a PERSON. That's right: you now get an unadulterated peek inside of the inner workings of my mind--not as a writer, but as a real-life, (sometimes) thinking human.

I'm gross. There, I said it. I. Am. Gross. I enjoy toilet humor. Farts make me laugh like an obnoxious, braying ass. I'm not afraid to admit I poop. It's a little known fact, but everybody poops, even women. More little known facts about women: we don't glow; we sweat. We also get indigestion, bad breath, and are slightly superhuman in that we bleed like stuck pigs for days on end without dying. These are all common things...and I laugh at them.

That being said, there is an appropriate time and place for my atypical sense of humor. I sometimes forget that. Today, I most certainly did.

So you know that invisible line that separates a writer from an author? Yeah, it's not big. It's a simple matter of leaping from "I write stuff" to "I publish the stuff I write." I haven't crossed that line yet, but I am working on it. I still hold in reverence every writer that has moved to the other side and can proudly point to a link or a hard-copy of their work. But, in all honesty, that reverence has pretty much become a self-imposed illusion now.

In the digital age, the advent of social media has pretty much bulldozed all aspects of privacy and even a lot of common sense. Ten years ago, Facebook hadn't blown up yet, and people weren't Tweeting their every thought or Instagram-ing pics of their every meal. On social media, people willingly spill their darkest secrets and interact with anyone that will reply. That being the case, there isn't much separating the lowly dabblers from the masters of the craft.

I ran into this issue today on Twitter. I follow Lauren DeStefano, author of The Chemical Garden series. I find a lot of her tweets hilarious; today's was no exception. Below is a screenshot of the conversation:

Do you feel my shame? FEEL IT! Burn inside like I do.

This woman does not know me. At all. And I shared my gross humor on a completely inappropriate platform. The sad thing is...I could have stopped at the first one and just laughed at her response before going about my business. But no, not me. I couldn't quit until I needed to cram BOTH feet into my mouth, sit on my hands, and disappear into a crack. Apparently, my common sense went on vacation for the day and didn't notify the rest of the brain.

That being said, I am dubbing this incident #MindOverMayoJar. I am making it even MORE public so the rest of you can learn from my mistake. I'm sure I'll laugh about this in the future, but for now it's just a solid pit in my stomach that keeps jabbing up into my Regret Factory to make me cringe every five minutes or so. 

From now on, when I catch myself or others in some stupid shenanigan of epic proportions, I will make it known. Even in the digital age, we can still have some common decency and respect.

...Above all, I'm still kind of surprised she replied to me. Social media, man. There is no spoon. 

The Pitfalls of Poorly Choreographed Plot Devices: Rape as a Trope

***TRIGGER WARNING***

This post discusses rape in fiction and contains spoilers for books and movies.

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Now that we have that out of the way...

I'm a writer, so I read a lot. Might be books, might be articles, might just be posts in the myriad writing groups I haunt. As of late, I've seen a deluge of posts and articles dealing with rape in fiction. I blame GoT's recent episode. This is an emotionally charged debate, one that sees a lot of opinions across the spectrum.

Let me preface this a bit: I AM A RAPE SURVIVOR. Stop. Take a minute to let that sink in. No, I don't want your pity. I want you to look at this as objectively as possible--as I will attempt to do--and walk away with some real perspective.

So, what is this great evil I speak of? Without getting too philosophical on this, I am going to define "rape" as any unsolicited or blatantly forced sexual contact. Simple enough. By this definition, a "rape trope" is any depiction of rape utilized as a plot device in fiction, to the point of becoming cliche or overdone. If you go to Google and type in "rape trope," you will see a list of types of rape and harassment seen in popular media. This post will deal with those tropes specifically in writing.

I mentioned I read a lot, right? Yeah, I read a LOT. This year alone, I've read more books than I can count. The spectrum is wide, ranging from nonfiction (accounts of pirates on the American coast to growing and harvesting your own herb garden) to dark fantasy (ASOIAF). There might have been a couple of romances in there, but I confirm nothing. Rather, I point you toward my fiction choices...and the elements of rape within.

Honestly, I don't find rape to be as pervasive as some have suggested, nor will I condemn it as lazy writing as some articles have. The fact of the matter is...rape happens; I'm living proof of that. It is a FACT--ugly and disgusting, albeit--of the world around us, and it has been for centuries (likely since the dawn of sentient creatures). That being the case, it cannot be ignored, glossed, glorified, or otherwise forgotten. I don't find rape in fiction to be lazy in and of itself--I stress the "in and of itself." I find how the rape is handled says a lot about the writer and the story.

There it is. The can of worms is officially opened. I DO NOT OPENLY CONDEMN RAPE SCENES. This topic of discussion has led to dismissive behavior when it comes to my own experience. Why? WHY? I can see the validity of this topic in fiction, and suddenly it matters what I was wearing when I was assaulted? No, just no.

This is where my condescension starts to bleed through, and you'll have to forgive me. Rape in fiction does not demean what happened to me, no more than it strips the validity of what happened to other rape survivors. It empowers us. Writers are willing to be open and discuss this ugly aspect of human nature when a startling amount of victims--myself included--were afraid to speak up. In my mind, rape in fiction is the same as ANY type of violence--war, kicking puppies, serial killings, bar brawls, etc. THEY ARE ALL THE SAME.

But this is where the trope part comes in. The word "trope" carries a heavily negative connotation all by its lonesome. When a commonly seen literary device (rape) garners a reputation for being a trope, it becomes looked down on and dismissed without really looking past the trope itself.

And that's where this year's reading comes in. I read two series where rape tropes are featured--GRRM's A Song of Ice and Fire and Stieg Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. I will also touch on a manuscript I beta'd/edited because it comes up there, too.

So...let's get the big one out of the way: ASOIAF.

Rape and violence are so common in GRRM's writing that you rarely read a page without running into another instance of it. This isn't a bad thing. The series is written to depict a horribly bloody bit of history in the fictional realm that Martin has created, and let's not forget that it's set in a male-dominated society. It forces the reader to look at things from the objective perspective--seeing instances from more than one character's point of view. The good, the bad, and the ugly are smeared into one gray blur, where no real lines exist anymore.

Let me be blunt. THIS IS REALITY, ladies and gentleman. Think of any argument you've ever witnessed from the third perspective (i.e. not directly involved). You know the saying: There are always three sides to a story--his, hers, and the truth. You can see valid points from both sides of the equation when you're put into that situation, can you not? Don't lie; you know I'm right.

In GRRM's world, you're forced to be that objective third party. YOU are the truth. You see all elements as they take shape, and  you know how all the puzzle pieces fit together. Character motivations may not click with your world view, but--damn!--can you ever see what drives these people. What really speaks to me about GRRM's writing style, however, is that none of the violent elements are glorified. It's raw, and ugly, and real.

So let's focus down on what's pertinent here--the rape scenes. One particular instance comes to mind, and this will stand as my reasoning on GRRM's handling of the trope as a whole.

In a twist of events, Ramsay Bolton is tricked into marrying Jeyne Poole, who is masquerading as Arya Stark. The alliance is set to ally King's Landing with the Boltons, who control the north. Through Theon's eyes, we have the description of the violent scenes, including where Reek is forced to--ew, I cringe just writing this--make the bride ready with his mouth. Later, Theon also describes the bruises and bite marks on Jeyne's body. Ramsay assaults her repeatedly throughout their marriage before Jeyne is whisked away by Theon and the Wildling rescue party.

Let's consider this. What purpose do these scenes serve?

1.) It lets the reader know you are not in Kansas anymore. The innocent will be maimed in accordance with the world GRRM has set up.
2.) It keeps with Ramsay's characterization up to this point.
3.) It shows character growth of Theon/Reek, leading to the moment when he finally grows a pair (har har) and defies Ramsay.

Some people have suggested that this scene is minimized simply BECAUSE it serves as a motivator for Theon/Reek. In some ways, I can see the validity of this. Showing how the rape of a female affects/motivates a male has become a trope all on its own. As a survivor, would I want my story written from a man's perspective? HELL NO! HOWEVER--and this is a big however--Martin is writing a fictional book, not reality.

How Jeyne is affected and deals with the rape are ugly and clear--distraught, crying, begging for help, etc. The physical and emotional distress are evident no matter which character's eyes we get the story from. Does seeing it from Theon's perspective make it any less horrifying?

The answer is no. Furthermore, Jeyne's consequences are known to us. She can't just rise up and kill Ramsay, hundreds of guards, and escape through miles of snow without help. She has no arms training, no help, and no options. Seeing these things from her point of view would only slow the story down (yes, this IS a key factor here). That is why we have the scene from Theon's point of view.

As Reek, Theon has been stripped of everything that meant anything to him (down to his man bits and identity). In a sense, the violence visited upon him was just as much a rape as what was done to Jeyne; yes, I went there. Reek has been reduced to a subhuman extension of Ramsay's will. The fact that he joins with the Wildings and rescues Jeyne from her horrible situation is a triumphant moment. The man who is no longer a man, the man who is so shattered he can barely WALK, finds his spine and becomes a hero for ONCE in his life. Readers love to hate Theon, but that moment was so gratifying on so many levels.

I firmly believe Martin considered the angles on this story, and the eventual rescue and escape mean more from Theon's point of view. It was prudent to choose a character whose growth is pertinent. Besides, the story isn't finished yet, guys. We may see more of Jeyne in the future books, and then you really WILL have her perspective on what happened. Call me biased, I'd rather not read it from her perspective. The aftermath of the assault is more telling than the actual assault, which brings me to Stieg Larsson's series.

The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo is a trilogy that deals largely with a character named Lisbeth Salander. She is a ward of the state in Sweden, and has been fed through the system in a national cover-up, which bounced her from loony bin, to foster home, to guardian, and so on.

When her guardian has a stroke and almost dies, Salander is placed under the care of Nils Bjurman, who physically assaults her on two occasions. The first time, he forces her to give him oral sex in exchange for money (her money, mind you; he controls all of her assets). Salander has few options open to her as she is deemed mentally incompetent, and knows Bjurman will only spin the story to his benefit should she go to the police. She places a hidden camera in her bag and intends to get undeniable proof. Bjurman rapes her violently, nearly smothers her with a pillow, and then finally lets her go.

These scenes are written from Salander's point of view, and they made me physically ill. Where I was highly uncomfortable reading about the assault on Jeyne, this piece of writing made me ILL. I had to put the first book aside for a long while before I came back to it. It was worth it. Seeing how Salander got her revenge, how the rape affected and motivated her--these all fed into her character growth.

This is another instance of how rape trope is used in an effective manner, though much differently than ASOIAF. Both writers were able to fully capture the horror of the moment, but they did so to different ends. Lisbeth needed a motivator to get out from under Bjurman's control; Theon needed a motivator to get away from Ramsay. Both rapes serve a purpose as written without glorifying the actual rape.

Aaaand now we come to rape tropes that don't do much to further the story, which is where the title of this article suddenly becomes pertinent. I write a lot, I read a lot, and I also edit for fun. The idea of editing for fun probably sounds like a contradiction in terms, but trust me; I find it relaxing.

Over the years, I've come across a lot of manuscripts and short stories from aspiring writers that are looking for an unbiased opinion on their work. I've edited everything--poetry, short stories, novellas, and novels. A while ago, I was handed a manuscript by someone I didn't know well, but I took a chance on it, figuring I could offer some insights.

I didn't ask for particulars beyond word count and genre since the rise of the almighty trigger warning. Naturally, I assumed the writer would disclose any questionable material beforehand. So I barreled into this manuscript and read it all in one sitting, at which time I came across a group of four chapters in the middle of the book, all of which featured rape. Yes, you read that right. Four chapters, FOUR different rapes.

For a while, I just kind of sat there, stunned. I had to take a moment to collect my thoughts before I could really articulate anything beyond complete disgust. I put the manuscript aside for an hour, chain smoked three cigarettes, and then made myself finish the book.

After reading it, I saw how each violation tied into the overall plot, even if some of them were a stretch. The first rape serves as a catalyst to set the whole series of rapes in motion, as well as raising a pertinent dialogue about this fictional world's power struggles with slavery. The second rape serves as a plot device that motivates another character's mental break. The third rape--which is aborted halfway through--serves to open one character's eyes on his mistreatment of a slave. And the final rape--a gang rape of man on man violence--serves to show the same character how it feels to not have power.

Each of these serves a purpose, and I understand why the writer set up the chain of events this way. But the handling of the material was done very poorly. This free-for-all made each event lose its impact and relevance. So much in one sitting is overkill, and I told the author as much in no uncertain terms. If there is no better way to motivate the characters, this story has a huge pitfall, and becomes nothing more than the worst aspects of a trope.

It seemed to glorify rape culture, and the events were NEVER again addressed by the victims, much less touched on by those closest to them. In a story that is written in a loosely omniscient style, why was the aftermath of the violation not shown in more than a briefly PHYSICAL aspect? None of the victims seemed bothered at ALL after the moment was past. This horrified me.

It took me years to overcome what happened to me. It stained every moment of my life--relationships, being alone with men, trying to have fun in an environment where people were drinking, and TRUST. Most of all, trust. As a survivor, I never trusted another man with my well-being again,  not even those that were supposed to be closest to me. But none of these aspects were addressed in the manuscript.

That was when it occurred to me...this person has never been raped, much less spoken to a rape survivor. There is no disconnect between the event and just moving forward with your life as if nothing happened. Even Lisbeth Salander had mental repercussions despite her cold attitude about the assault. Jeyne Poole is also mentally and physically altered by the attacks, though we see that change via Theon's eyes. But I saw none of this in the manuscript. Instead, it was as if the event happened, and then the characters forgot about it.

Let me be clear: This is not an effectively written rape scene, and this is why rape tropes have a bad name. If you are going to use it, make DAMN sure you know what you're getting yourself into. The flippant manner in which the topic was handled made me angrier than the overuse of the trope.

Rape scenes in literature--and rape culture in general--have a time and a place. There is a right way and a wrong way to handle them. Some rape tropes are a general act of laziness on the part of the writer. Sometimes they are genuinely unintentional. When used correctly, they can strengthen a story and the motivations of the characters, as well as speak to the societal issues of the fictional world. However, if you don't have the talent or ability to write them effectively, just step back and throw your hat in the ring. Better to find a different plot device that isn't nearly so hard to write.

TL;DR: Rape is not something to be easily dismissed. It is pervasive in our culture and denotes an aspect of physical dominance and control. Victims of rape are affected for years after the fact, and intimacy--not just physical, but emotional--is hard to accept. When you can't trust your partner, suddenly it makes it very hard to even be in a relationship. Rape. Stains. EVERYTHING. If you cannot write it effectively, DON'T.