Monday, September 19, 2016

Punctuation: A Quick and Dirty Guide

There are "editors" out there who will sell a service without even knowing the basics of punctuation, and it's come to my attention they are saturating the indie market with subpar work. This is one of those "you get what you pay for" moments, but just read this and self-check you are getting what you pay for, people.

Basic sentence:

I run.

This is present tense. A complete sentence with subject and verb. You end it with a god damn period.

I run?

See above. Only it's a question. So you use a god damn question mark.

I run!

See first example. Except this one shows an emphatic declaration, so you use a god damn exclamation point.

Hyphens:

I run twenty-one miles a day.

Use hyphens to denote two words that are conjoined. In the case of numbers, you show they are related by separating them as shown above.

I run like a rocket-fueled jet.

In the case of an adjective-verb conjunction, use the hyphen to show the two words are related.

Dashes:

I run--really fast.

Dashes are used for dramatic effect. Think *big breath/dramatic pause* in the place of a dash.

I run--really fast, mind you--and nobody can keep up.

Dashes are also used to introduce an aside. These interrupt the sentence to show something used for dramatic effect which is directly related to the sentence.

Semicolons:

I run extremely fast; it's a gift.

Semicolons are used to conjoin two complete, related sentences.

I run three miles on Wednesday; four miles on Thursday; two miles on Saturday morning, or two miles on Saturday evening; and six miles on Sunday.

Semicolons are also used in the case of complex lists when comma usage may detract from clarity of the sentence.

Colons:

I run two days a week: Monday and Saturday.

Colons are used to introduce a related bit of information. Like a dash? See below.

I run quickly for many reasons: endurance training, athletic build, and to outpace killer clowns from outer space.

Although used like a dash, the pause is not as dramatic in the case of semicolons. This is the humdrum, pat-your-mouth-with-fake-yawn of punctuation.

Commas:

Okay, seriously, look this shit up when in doubt. There is entirely too much to cover on comma usage, and you will probably get it wrong anyway without formal education.

Ellipses:

I run...sometimes.

This is a big one and is stylistically interchangeable in many ways. First of all, ellipses are three dots. End of discussion. Three dots to indicate a thought or speech pausing as shown above. Some styles indicate the use of a space on either side of an ellipses, but this is more stiffly adhered to in an academic setting.

I run when I'm upset, or...

Ellipses can also indicate a thought trailing off. In some cases, styles dictate you need end punctuation in this case. AGAIN, this is more strictly adhered to in an academic setting. For creative writing, the end punctuation is not necessary for examples like this.

Do you run for the thrill, or...?

In this case, the question is left hanging. It's a question, so it needs the question mark. Again, some styles indicate you need a space on either side of the ellipses, but that is not a strict rule for creative endeavors.

Quotation marks:

"I like to run."

This is a simple sentence of speech. Open quotes before dialogue. End punctuation. Close quotes.

"I like to run," she said.

In cases of dialogue tags, ALWAYS PUT YOUR FUCKING COMMA INSIDE THE QUOTES. This applies to question marks, exclamation marks, and friggin' ellipses, too. Your dialogue tag will always be lower case unless the first word begins with a proper noun in cases like this ("I like to run!" He-Man screamed while raising his sword aloft.).

"I like to run," she said, pausing with a dramatic sigh, "but my boyfriend doesn't."

When a tag interrupts dialogue, you will format it like so.

"I like to run"--she shrugged and pulled a face--"but my boyfriend doesn't."

What you see here is an interruption of dialogue. This physical aside is not a tag, so commas will not introduce it. DASHES, PEOPLE.

Anyway, as you can see, this really is quick and dirty. Check what you get back on a sample line edit and make sure the person you've hired is worth their salt. You are paying for an intensive service, and it will cost you, but don't let yourself be taken advantage of merely out of ignorance. Do the thing. Do it well. Write on, Wordsmiths.