Monday, May 2, 2016

Ebooks and Authors: A Swashbuckling Adventure

The title of this blog is probably horrifyingly inappropriate and misleading when you get right down to it, but it stands. When I'm met with something this awful, I have to find laughter because the alternative is to rip my hair out and offer up impotent rage. It's no longer cool to drink from the skulls of your enemies, so this is what I use to cope--a piddly little blog.

So what had the potential to get me so worked up in the first place? Simply put, entitlement and complete disrespect.

Yesterday, in one of the many writing groups I haunt, a member shared a status from another author. This woman--heretofore known as The Aggrieved--shared a screenshot from a "fan." It went viral in the writing community.

The long and short of it--and I'm grossly paraphrasing here--went a little something like this:

Hey, Ms. Author Lady, I loved your books. I read every single one of them in ebook format..but then I took advantage of Amazon's return policies for ebooks by returning them. I just can't afford $0.99 or $2.99 for a book. Would you mind making your books free so I can enjoy them in the future instead of having to return those ebooks?

*dramatic pause* *big breath* *shaking of head*

Where do I even begin here? Does this "fan" have a mental issue that prevents common sense from flowing out of her brain and into her fingers? I'm just...agog.

This is how I break it down: if someone provides a service, you pay them for it. There is no discussion. You do not walk into a movie theatre and tell the ticket desk, "No, no...you don't understand. I can't afford the movie, but I LOVE this director. It should be free for me." You don't walk into Starbucks and tell the barrista, "Listen, I don't have any money, but that $5 cup of coffee is my favorite. It should be free for me."

These people perform a job, you pay them for it. It isn't a difficult concept to grasp.

The reason I suggest this "fan" must have a common sense dam is because when The Aggrieved blocked them, reported their ebook scam to Amazon, and shared the message...this "fan" did not let it go. They created ANOTHER account to harass the author.

Again, gross paraphrasing, but the two messages went something like this:

How dare you block me and make me have to start another account? And how dare you share my private messages? My feelings are hurt, and you aren't doing this author thing right. Lots of authors make me a beta. You could have been a best seller if you just sat down and acted like you're supposed to. I shouldn't have to pay for the stories in your head. Now I'm having trouble returning an ebook and it's all you're fault!

*wide eyed amazement* *complete rage* *cue murderface on The Aggrieved's behalf*

Brian: We can't murderface, K.
Me: Yes we can, Brian. Did you see what they said?!
Brian: Yes. We still can't murderface. You'll go to jail, and I'll explode from quarantined creativity.
Me: You're right. *big breath* Let's blog!

Okay, point one here: entitlement. Say it with me, kids: YOU ARE NOT ENTITLED TO A DAMN THING.

You can't afford a book? Carry your ass to the library. Your library doesn't carry it? ASK the author if you can beta or get an ARC. They say no? Ask your friends and family to buy a copy for you. Any questions? No? Didn't think so.

Point two: reality. Say it with me kids: I WILL PAY FOR SERVICES RENDERED, AS ANYTHING LESS IS THEFT.

This person asserts they shouldn't have to pay for the stories in The Aggrieved's head. Why not? They provide hours of entertainment. The Aggrieved shelled out money to publish, and has every right to charge for the service they provide.

WARNING: I will now wax philosophical. Feel free to skip this part.

How does an artist go about putting a price tag on a piece of themselves? That book came from the author's brain, found its way to the page, went through countless edits, and became a thing of beauty. It provides a service in opening up to the outside world what was, before, a rich inner world. It is ridiculous to think something like that holds no value, and to say so is complete disrespect.

/End philosophical rant./

Back on the monetary issue, let's talk facts. The Aggrieved charged $0.99 and $2.99 for her works. Since the bottom dropped out of the ebook market, this author makes CENTS off of the sale of a $0.99 book. While charging $2.99 does offer a slighter monetary gain, the big deal here is distribution and valuing your work. In the end, this is not much to ask for what took months to years to create.

Furthermore, for every ebook sold, a delivery fee is charged for that file being put onto the buyer's device. Cents, albeit, but a delivery fee nonetheless. Amazon doesn't refund that delivery fee, so now the author has essentially paid this "fan" to read a book.

Let me be clear: this is THEFT. Plain and simple, this "fan" has now taken money out of this author's already small stream of revenue by returning a book that is already undervalued.

So here's the bottom line, don't be a disrespectful, thieving piece of shit. Authors are providing you a service, one you should pay for. If you cannot, there are other ways to address that without going Misery on your favorite author.

Don't cut the legs out from under an author. Lift them up and support them; many of us can't live off of the pittance we make from publishing. We do this because we love hearing from our readers--and not that they've been stealing from us for years. Use your damn head, for fuck's sake.

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