Marketing: I Call Shenanigans

So I promised I'd share more on what works with marketing as I gained more experience. This blog deals more with what DOESN'T work.

So, here's the thing. I'm on that fuck douchery called Twitter, right? It's kind of a hit and miss highway of information that doesn't do much for me in the scheme of things. I can't say I've made a single sale there.

This has been my experience thus far:

Find authors.
Attempt to connect with authors.
Get blindsided in a dark room.
Have books bashed over my head while I scream for help.

This is a screenshot of my inbox:

Now, as you can see, the fuck douchery is thick here. Almost every single one of these is an auto generated response or some random bullshit sent via crowdfire. Like...you can't even take the time to say hi yourself? What is the fucking point?

I'm just gonna be blunt here. If you don't even take enough pride in your work to sell me on it, why in the hell would I bother to even look at it? These messages put me off of even speaking with people, let alone wanting to see what's going to crop up in their feed. I have more people on mute than anything after this. And the one person I ASSUMED had sent a legit message? Nupe. I took the time to respond and got nothing in return. Great connecting with you, assflap.

If I wanted to read your book based on the fact that you wrote it, I would have already added it to my list. There are a handful of authors that warrant such a privilege on their name alone. Chances are, you aren't one of them.

You want to sell me your book? Sell YOURSELF to me first. I don't imagine I'm alone in this. I will never crowdfire or tell you to check out my blog, much less drop links to shit you don't give a fuck about. If you ask, I will respond. I assume the same could be said for most people.

One of the people I do follow and interact with on Twitter has said, more or less, "If you aren't dead and famous posthumously, chances are I don't want to read your book." I agree when it comes to the ceaseless, meaningless, dark room blindsiding of my inbox. Just stop it!

If you can't market yourself, your book, blog, or youtube channel mean less than bellybutton lint. Fact, yo.

Anyway, be interesting. Engage people. Give a fuck what they say; they tend to return the favor. Otherwise, you're just one more voice in that dark room, one more asshat bonking me on the head with your dried out marketing technique. Frankly, I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Zip it up and act right. You are more than your book, you ill-mannered ape."